As parents we can get really caught up in the doing of things. Getting things done. On time. So that we can do the next thing. And then the thing after that. There’s always something that needs to get done, right? Brush teeth. Eat breakfast. Get dressed. Leave house. Drive to school/class/Dr appointment., so on and so on. All of this doing, especially with our children in tow, who are also doing -- often at their own (slower) pace -- can lead to moments of stress, anxiety and dissatisfaction with how we’re doing our job as parents.
Some nights, even after I’ve had a full active day with my girls, I feel unsatisfied. Like I didn’t do enough with them. Or rather, for them. It's in those moments I realize that while we were doing all the things, I wasn’t fully present. I was probably making a list (mental or real) of things we need to do tomorrow, groceries I need to buy, calls I need to make. I have no doubt that my lists contribute to my daughters’ growth and development in some way, but the fact that I’m left feeling like I coulda/shoulda done more at the end of the day, means that I’m not doing enough of one simple thing: really being there with them. 100%. All in. Mind and body.
When I feel this way, I encourage myself to do better the next day… to do better by being more mindful. Being more mindful of how I interact with them -- and that encompasses everything -- how I’m speaking to them, listening to them, embracing them, preparing food for them, feeding them, and playing with them.
Below are three ways I like to be more mindful and present with and around my kids:
1. While we’re eating: Trying to get my almost four year old to sit down for the entirety of a meal is near impossible. It’s also one of the times I tend to lose my patience, fast. Lately, we’ve started playing a game at mealtime. A mindful game at that! Instead of repeated requests and reminders to stay seated while eating, I encourage my daughter to be mindful of what she’s eating by pretending we’re participating in a food competition.
How to play: Time for some role play! One of us is the chef and the other is the judge who eats the food the chef has prepared. After a few bites, the judge describes the food -- color, texture, smell, how it tastes - and finally, assigns a score. Then we switch. Playing this game engages all our senses while we eat; we are fully focused on what we’re eating, how it tastes, and how the food makes us feel. We’re also actively listening to each other. Once we’ve all taken turns being judge and chef, each person wins a grand prize of $256 (sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on how generous we're feeling that day :-). The English language teacher in me loves this game because not only does it encourage mindful eating, it's also great for food related language development.
Want to take the game a little further? Talk about how the meal is prepared and where the food comes from. Talking about where the food on your table comes from can lead to really enriching conversations about food and the environment. While our children know we buy our food from Trader Joe's or Safeway, taking the conversation a little further to where the stores get their food from, can be eye opening for the younger ones. Acknowledging the farmers, truck drivers, grocery store employees, and everyone in between who got the food to our table can lead to moments of gratitude for all that’s there. As we’re so often rushing to cook and prepare a meal, feed the kids and move on to the next thing, slowing down a bit to talk about what we’re eating can make meal time a more pleasant experience for everyone.
2. Playtime: My girls are two and a half years apart in age and are learning how to play together more and more every day. It’s a beautiful thing to watch. My older girl will get the little one involved in some type of game and they’ll be engaged for about 10 minutes. When they’re all done playing together they come to me. Lately, instead of trying to set them up for another game without me (so that I can get a couple extra minutes of “free time”) I’ve been joining in on the fun.
I get down on the floor with them, build the towers, eat the “food,” drink the “tea” and help with all the drawings. We wear hats, sunglasses, get our faces painted, and go to tons of fancy balls. This active imaginary play, on their level, is a sure way to keep me in the present moment. I’ve noticed that all the things that are usually distracting me and taking my present mom-ness away from them disappear. I become fully immersed in their world and it’s fun. So I stay a little longer each time.
3. Being outside: Being mindful while outside simply becomes a matter of stopping, looking up and around, and listening. Really listening. While leaving soccer practice over the weekend, my older girl said, “Mommy, do you hear that? It’s a woodpecker.” I hadn’t heard it until she brought it to my attention. Most likely because I was busy thinking about where we’re going next, what we’d eat for lunch, etc. I was so happy (and proud) that she brought that woodpecker to my attention. I was so happy to receive that little reminder from her to stop, look and listen anytime I’m outside. Even if we’re just walking to the car. While out with your children, talk about what you see -- the colors, the textures, the season and what it brings with it. Talk about how your body feels while outside. Talk about what you hear. Instilling a habit of mindfulness while outside can help deepen the level of appreciation we would like our future generations to show for the natural world that surrounds us.
So that’s it! Three easy ways to bring some mindfulness into your daily life with children. Three easy things you may already be doing. Mindfulness doesn't have to be hard. It doesn't have to mean you're sitting in a silent room with the lights off for 30 minutes a day. It can happen anytime, anywhere. We just have to practice slowing down enough to actually do it.
Join us at our next family yoga class for more tips on mindfulness -- together, as a family. If you’ve got any go-to mindful mama/papa things you’d like to share, we’re all eyes and ears.
Thank you for this post. I’m going to try to practice mindfulness in these ways with my kids. Xx